TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
