would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
