The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
