I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
