why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
