Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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