Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
