so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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