We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
