so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
