I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
