i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
