Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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