Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
