Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
