i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
