I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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