I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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