Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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