i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
