I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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