I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
