i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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