Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
