IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
