How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
