I wish I could punch you in the face.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
