I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
