how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
