We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
