will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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