and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
