Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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