I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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