please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
