I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
