Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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