I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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