Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
