at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
