youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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