Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
