To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
