Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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