I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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