i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
