It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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