I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
