Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
