Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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