i already hear my dad disowning me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
