ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
