don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
